Honesty

Honest is the best policy.

That's what they said. That's what I was taught at a young age. We shouldn't lie. Lying is bad. I am a very honest person. The teaching has been drummed well into me by my mother, my family. I cannot lie. I am a bad liar. When I lie, one can usually see it in my eyes or face. It takes pre-meditation and a conscious effort for me to lie even a white lie.

Now that I am older, I have come to realize that being honest isn't always the best thing to do. In fact, lying would then be the best policy. I have told truths and be punished for it. I am not a liar but I am beginning to learn to lie to protect myself.

Gay bars maybe for gay men but rainbows are for everyone.

But tonight, I want to be honest to myself and say this: I like rainbows and I love the colour of the rainbow. But, it hurts when I look at a rainbow because it is also the colour gay men fly. I once understood why Gilbert Baker picked the colours as we had been enlightened on our trip to San Francisco but now I want to ask Mr Baker, "Why? Why did you do that? Why do I have to see a rainbow and be reminded of the LGBT community and my phony ex-boyfriend? Why do you have to pick something I like that will remind me of something I do not want to remember?".

So, I said it. I have been honest again and I feel being honest makes one feel better. Talking about things has made me arrive at a happier place since the 1st of September 2011. Those of you who punished me can get lost. I do not need to lie and protect myself in this circumstance. If honesty was never the best policy, the saying would have never been a saying.