Thursday, 26 April 2012


Or maybe a nightmare.

Yesterday I dreamt the ex texted me several times to my distaste. He said over several texts:

1. Hi-how-are-you-what's-going-on kinda nonsense. I didn't reply
2. I'm really depressed here. I didn't reply
3. I'm a boozer now and I karaoke every day. I didn't reply but I'm like well, this guy is seriously enjoy his gay clubs to the max (ya, karaoke..) but being a depressed boozer is worrying.

Would I have texted back? Most likely, no. I'd probably tell his friends and family instead so they can sort him out. It wouldn't do me any good to help him and I may end up resenting him even more.

Anyway, I haven't blogged in a while cuz I have been super duper busy. I just wanna lie on the grass, you know? Sigh.

Hopes & fears.
Dreams & tears.
Happiness, I yearn.

Monday, 9 April 2012

Smashing Pumpkins

My playlist consists of really old stuff that goes on replay all the time. Never gets praise from Flatmate Number 2. Ok, I do have new mainstream stuff which gets old/boring quickly and I feel like I don't really wanna hear David Guetta feat X all the time.

I remember this guy called DC whom I was on an attachment with in 2007 who was an Oxbridge transfer. He apparently used to be goth because I was looking through his extensive music playlist and wuz like, "Hey, why all these songs?" and he let it slip. He said all pictorial evidence had been destroyed. He looked like Scott Pilgrim from Scott Pilgrim vs the World when I knew him. Bummer, I tried to picture him goth and it was ticklish. Anyway, I told him the stuff I listened to and he said to pick up a few things and the Smashing Pumpkins was among his suggestions. And, the Smashing Pumpkins was the *BEST* ever suggestion.

I knew of SP but never heard them on radio. Malaysians don't listen to stuff like that on radio. I only knew Dashboard Confessional thru WOM (word of mouth).

Smashing Pumpkins - 1979
I think this is one of the more popular songs but I like all their songs I can't tell which wouldn't float other people's boat

When listening to a song, lyrics do little for me in the first instance. It is the "minus one" (as they call it) that I listen to and if I like it, I think about the lyrics. SP had minus ones I love song after song after song after song after song after song... except for a couple like Zero and Silverfuck which really depends on my mood. Their songs makes me wanna put my head on the table, in my palm and think..

Think.. Think.. How.. Why.. Why.. How.. Why.. How... Why.. How.. Why.. How.. How.. Why. How. does.Billy.Corgan.come.up.with.this.stuff??

He probably won't get praise from Simon Cowell about his singing but who cares about Simon.

Simon Cowell, the only 'celebrity' we saw in 2010 in LA.
There were LOADS of papparazzis around keeping their distance. This woman with the black top walked towards him and his new girlfriend with her camera. She then asked him to take a picture of HER AND HER HUSBAND.. which he did.
Somebody really didn't care who he was.
And when I like the song, and if I care enough for it to sing it.. I look up the lyrics. Billy writes lyrics like proper poems. They don't make instance sense. It needs to be thought about and appreciated. Chris Carrabba writes it pretty much as is. But Billy.....

And after a day of emotional turmoil, listening to the Smashing Pumpkins rid me of all the knots inside and I could lay my head down to rest till the morning.

Smashing Pumpkins - Disarm
Great theme song for home-alone children

Smashing Pumpkins - Blew Away
A James Iha song

If I ever could play a classical instrument, it'd be the violin or percussion. Always sounds so epic in modern songs.

Saturday, 7 April 2012


Remember the Anthropologie Lilac platform heels and the red shirt dress I bought last week?
Pierina Bow Pumps
Further reduction by £20! :-)
Well, as expected Anthro dropped the price of the shoes by £20 and I decides I didn't like the shirt dress because its arm holes were unusually large.. And it was rather expensive!
Four Corner Shirtdress
Super large arm holes to air those sweaty pits

So I had to go into their Regent's Street store today to do a return and price reduction. I premeditated my move ie go in, straight to counter and walk out. But Anthro is my vice. I walked in and I felt the tug to the rather extensive sales section tucked in a corner in their basement.

Some of the stuff tugged on my heart strings and some was a little cheaper than the last time.

I used my returns and price reduction to get four items in return.

Slouched Sailor Blouse
100% silk
Pilcro Hyphen Straight Boyfit Trousers
This is Size 28 which is a little snug and 29 was just loose
Gotta shed some fatty tissue!
I think this looks kinda like my H&M Marni top
Love it!
Peppered Plana Dress
Mix of silk, linen and cotton (isn't linen cotton)
A whooping £80 and I just tried it on because body itchy. Hehehe.
True to reviews, the cut is really funny but it is a great design with a sexy back!
I didn't get this. The fourth thing I bought was a present, so no picture.

Tuesday, 3 April 2012

The Path of Least Resistance

People had been posting this blog entry on Facebook today. It was about a student who score A1's in sixteen secondary school subjects and secured himself a government scholarship to the States.

He would be about 17 or 18 by now and I admire him for realizing that nobody cares if you have got sixteen A1's at his stage i.e. college. I only figured that out at university because well, I think that's when people stopped asking, I suppose.

Anyway, I was reading his blog and lol, it is true how hard you can study and get shit grades in the Sijil Pelajaran Malaysia (SPM). I can't remember how many subjects I took (less than ten!) but I remember History and Moral were a compulsory part of the set. Moral... Moral... I always thought Moral studies a punishment for not being Muslim. It doesn't teach Ethics or Morality. It's just a 'study' of sixteen values defined by a set of keywords made into a sentence. Very pointless. But sounds like an easy A1 grade to bag, right?

So I studied really 'hard' for moral to remember the sixteen or so values. And, I thought if I did moral well, I could concentrate less on History. So I would get xA's and a lousy grade for History. That was a reasonable objective for the time I had left despite having started revision early.

I remember sitting in the car with my mum for about an hour reading my History book... Flipping through spotted questions at the very last minute thinking I wasn't gonna do well.

On results day. Lo and behold. Moral B3. WTF. 

History A2. WTF man.

So, I feel for people like this guy. He must really hate people like me. LOL. Study so hard but for what?

And these days, I feel myself taking the path of least resistance (and most happiness?) even more than before because the outcome is the same and it was the journey that mattered.

If I could do it all over again?
- Take up art, aced it so bad the whole country cried and employed more qualified art teachers
- Studied the bare minimum for subjects I didn't care for like MORAL studies; maybe use the free time to protest against MORAL studies; campaign for the re-instatement of mother tongue classes whilst Muslim students did they Islamic studies; and sleep even more.